Helpful managers only offer help when it’s wanted, because unwanted help is micromanagement.
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When you grow up in a family of eight, you quickly learn your place in the pecking order. And it doesn’t matter how far you advance in your career or what accomplishments you achieve, you’ll always have the same reputation in your family.
In my family, my reputation has always been one of being a helper. Even though I’m not the oldest in our family, I’m still one of the siblings whom people call for help. Some might find that annoying, but I embrace it. And I’m grateful I learned to be the helper in my home life first, because it has translated well into my professional life.
But sometimes, as leaders, we can be guilty of thinking we’re helping when what we’re really doing is annoying the pants off of our team members.
Next time you feel the urge to help someone on your team, keep these principles in mind:
Doing People’s Work for Them is NOT Helping
If you make everyone’s problem your problem, that’s a recipe for burnout. This is especially easy to fall into if you supervise a team made up of people with your old job title. But trying to step in and do their job for them only robs them of a growth opportunity.
You’re like a coach who decides to take the ball out of the quarterback’s hands and run the plays himself. Sure, you’ll make the ESPN highlight reel, but not for a good reason.
So always ask yourself, “Am I just showing them how to do the work, or am I stepping in and taking over the work?” It’s a difficult line to discern if you’re not paying close attention. And you could unintentionally destroy someone’s morale in the process.
It’s Not Helping if the Help is Unwanted
Ask yourself, “Is the help welcomed…or not?” You likely want to help with the best of intentions. But that doesn’t mean your team member sees it that way.
Filter your actions through others’ awareness. Because if you’re offering help where it’s not wanted (or needed), then congratulations! You’ve just demoted yourself to micromanager.
Help is highly situational. There are times when people will come to you for help. They recognize a gap they have or a tough choice they need to make, and they are approaching you for counsel because they trust your perspective.
Be Willing to Train Your Future Boss
Okay, this one’s the hardest but also the most important. If you want to be truly helpful, you have to check your ego. Because the best help you can give is to help people grow into their potential.
First, you need to pay attention enough to help people in the areas where they don’t even recognize they need help. You can see the blind spots that will prevent them from moving on to bigger things. Often, the best help you can provide is to help them see—and fill—those blind spots.
Believe in people before they believe in themselves. Have the awareness to see their potential. Empathetically push people to be their best. You could be the cure for their imposter syndrome.
When you’re willing to train your future boss, you develop a reputation as a helper. You become the go-to person for advice. When you have to correct someone, they listen because they know you’re helping, not haranguing.
For me, that person was Steve Kaiser. He saw the potential for what I could become long before I saw it in myself. When you’re a leader, you get to be a Steve to someone else. You get to help them map out their future, even if that means they end up at a different company.
And who do you think they’ll remember when you’re ready for a new challenge? Probably not the guy who badgered and annoyed them to death. But they’ll absolutely remember “The Helper.”
Be willing to train your future boss. Your own future might depend on it.
Which one of these principles are you already practicing? Which one do you need to focus on? And where do YOU need help in becoming The Helpful Manager?
If you want to go deeper into these topics, you can check them out in my book The Detour CEO or connect with me on my website.
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